The Empty Hole Only I Could Fill

RETURN · ESSAY THREE

There I was, sitting in yet another personal growth seminar, longing to be seen and declared as enough from someone I looked up to. I was witnessing myself experience this need, almost as if I was out of my own body. There was a moment when we all were going to make a declaration about ourselves in front of the room, and in that moment I finally saw what I had been doing for years. I was waiting. Waiting for a teacher, a mentor, a stage, a stranger with a microphone to look at me and tell me I mattered.

The empty hole in my self-worth could only be filled by me. While the feeling of emptiness felt vast, I was actually only missing one piece: my love and belief in myself.

Let me say that again, because it took me a long time to learn it and I don’t want it to take you as long. The hole is real. But it is not as big as it feels. You are not missing a hundred things. You are missing one. And it is the one thing no seminar, no promotion, no partner, no round of applause can hand to you. You have to give it to yourself.

Here is how that went for me. Imagine Self-Worth and Self-Doubt trying to be roommates in my mind. They fought all the time. Self-Worth loved to work out, eat well, and meditate daily. Self-Doubt didn’t sleep much, laid around the house all day, and never cleaned up after herself. Self-Doubt would lock Self-Worth out on a regular basis, and somehow Self-Worth always found a way back in, doused Self-Doubt in love, and then Self-Doubt would leave for days at a time.

This cycle went on for a while. During one of Self-Doubt’s disappearing acts, Self-Worth invited Gratitude to move in. This changed everything. Self-Doubt could not exist where Gratitude lived. Gratitude, when practiced often, not only keeps Self-Doubt out, it strengthens Self-Worth. Now, Self-Worth and Gratitude? That’s a powerful team.

So if Self-Doubt is currently a co-habitant in your mind and you really want to live a more empowered life, you better invite Gratitude over for an extended stay. It’s not about becoming someone new. It’s about coming home to the woman who was always in there, and finally being the one who tells her she is more than enough.

I believe I am more than enough and am excited to see all I can do and experience in this lifetime. What are you excited to experience? What are you grateful for?