Everything changed the day I understood that forgiveness wasn’t something I was giving to the other person, in some way saying to them that what they did was okay, but instead something I was giving to myself. Forgiveness is freedom. Freedom of carrying around the burden of sadness and anger for something we cannot change and wish didn’t happen.
And by the way, this applies to forgiving yourself too. Wow. Now there is a tough one. How many of you have been carrying something around that you have not been able to forgive yourself for?
There are things we get out of not forgiving ourselves. We carry a torch of guilt to try and prove we are sorry for what occurred. We feel like we deserve to feel horrible because we have caused pain to someone else in some way. But does this actually help anyone? Does it help us be better people if we continually beat ourselves up for what we cannot change? Does it help us learn and grow and take action in our lives to make sure we don’t repeat the same experience? We can trap ourselves in a tiny prison of guilt and self-loathing, but who does that actually help?
Think of it like holding a glass of water out at arm’s length. For a minute, it’s nothing. For an hour, your arm aches. Hold it long enough and it becomes the only thing you can feel. The weight of the glass never changes. What changes is how long you insist on carrying it. Resentment works exactly the same way, and so does guilt. It is not the size of the thing you’re holding. It’s how long you refuse to set it down.
So set the glass down. Not because what happened was fine. Not because they deserve it. Set it down because you have better things to do with your arms than ache. You have a life to live, a soul story to tell, and people waiting on the other side of your freedom.
I forgive myself and others with ease and compassion. That is the mindset I reclaim, over and over, whenever the old weight tries to creep back into my hand. Forgiveness isn’t a single grand gesture. It’s a daily decision to keep the glass on the table where it belongs.